It's a Telltale Sign, When It's Chairs Up and Time To Go

(Uncle Tupelo, Slate)

God bless Slate. They're giving us a "Hillary Deathwatch" daily update with her chances of winning the Democratic nomination. Proof that somebody out there loves me. My faith in the natural order of things is on its way to restoration.

In other news, let's all put on our favorite burnt orange and root, root, root for the Longhorns tonight against Stanford and their twin towers.

They Know My Name Cause I Told It To Them, But They Don't Know Where and They Don't Know When

(The Arcade Fire, Keep the Car Running)

Anyone who knows me knows of my seemingly constant problems with the automobile species. I have had the worst luck with cars over the years. Even when I lived in New York and didn't drive a car, EVER, I still had car troubles. Might sound impossible, but I assure you, nothing is impossible.

Anyway, it will come as no surprise to anyone that my car is back in the shop as of this morning, thanks to the fine folks at Superior Towing. I spoke with them earlier this afternoon, they were going to change the battery and then see if there was anything else wrong. Marvelous. So, at worst, I'm probably looking at around a $250 bill for the towing, battery, labor, and oil change (for good measure).

One day, when I'm fabulously wealthy, I don't ever want to own a car. I never really understood the benefit of a 3-year lease on a car, but it's looking more and more appealing to me every day.

The Name is D, Y'all, and I Don't Play. And I Can Rock a Block Party Till Your Hair Turns Grey.

(Beastie Boys, Pass the Mic)

Previously on Top Chef: Zoi and Jennifer know each other from San Francisco and are a couple. The fact that they just showed that again makes me think that either one of them is going to be packing her knives and going this week, or maybe they have a fight or have to compete head to head or something. Let's get rolling...


Andrew and Spike are acting really flirty with each other, while doing bad Borat impressions. Maybe they're sick of Zoi and Jennifer having the market cornered on the gayness. Either that, or their beards have some sort of gravitational pull towards each other. Guest judge is Chicago chef Rick Bayless, who has won "many beard awards." Is that for real? Do they televise these beard awards? Who votes on them? Are these even food awards, or are they just awards for like, the best beard, the longest beard, things like that? I doubt it, but it would be awesome if that were true. And it would also be good news for Spike and Andrew. And this dude at the right would win for sure. Plus, Beard Bayless doesn't even have a beard, but he does have a weird looking chin. (Interestingly, or not, I noticed that he does actually have some facial hair, as a mustache, a bit of stubble on his chin, and a soul patch. I hope with all of my soul that he didn't win some sort of beard award with that. I would lose all faith in beard awards if that happened.)

Quickfire Challenge: Tacos. Advantage to Zoi and Jennifer! (Sorry, couldn't pass that one up.) They have 30 minutes to make a taco. My God, even I could do this. Manuel starts chopping up some cactus, which could be pretty cool. Spike is going to make "street food", and Andrew thinks he's going to win because of his crazy ideas and f-bombs. Richard wants to reinvent the taco, using jicama as the taco shell, and he's going to plate it inside his fauxhawk and have the judges eat it right off his head. New Zealand says something nearly unintelligible, but it was probably astute. Padma likes Manuel's taco (about time, man!), and Beard Bayless loves Andrew's duck taco. Spike carries his Borat impression over with a half-assed "success!" when The Beard says he likes his "street taco." Eric was called out because his plate looked rough, but he doesn't think fine dining goes with Mexican food and offers The Beard the option of screwing himself. I think he'd rather have a better taco, but I don't presume to know his inner thoughts.

Andrew is placed in the top 3, and he makes a face like he just tried to fart but accidentally let a few escapees past the guards, if you know what I mean. I wish I could find a still of that picture. Man, it would be great right here. He also liked Richard's and Spike's. I knew he was going to pick Spike and Andrew. It's the "Beard Episode!!" In a surprise move, though, he picks Richard's jicama taco. Seems like a not-too-subtle way to show those 2 beards whose beard is boss.

Richard wins immunity, and they all divide into two teams and take a field trip. Zoi and Jennifer both end up on the Red Team, which makes Jennifer happy. Zoi says they know each other's pallette's better than anyone else. I bet that's not all they know better than anyone else. Also, I have no idea how to spell pallette. Red Team also has the beard brothers, Spike and Andrew. Blue Team, otherwise known alternatingly as "team boring" or "team douchebag," ends up with Nikki, Stephanie, Lisa, Manuel, New Zealand, and Richard's fauxhawk. I wish New Zealand was on Red Team.

Elimination Challenge: They're sort of catering an annual block party in some Chicago neighborhood, having something to do with mealstogether.com, whatever that is. Ah, here's the challenge. They're not "shopping" for this challenge in the store, they have to go door to door and collect groceries from the neighborhood residents. What a drag. I'm sure the neighbors are going to love that, and not at all be pissed off enough to complain to their city councilman. Jennifer absolutely cleans out some old couple. They took 7 bags of food from this one house! Nikki says one of her signature dishes is mac and cheese. Maybe I was jumping the gun a bit when I thought she was awesome for making her own pasta 2 weeks ago. Mac & cheese?

Andrew and Spike and their beards rummage through some lady's pantry together, and I might as well start referring to them as Ace and Gary whenever they do anything together. Spike (Gary?) says she must have been stocking up in case of a World War, in which case, it's a good thing you're cleaning her out before D-Day. The lady's daughter is afraid of them, and so am I. Spike keeps doing the Borat thing. And not well. Richard wants to go "upscale," which to him means not hamburgers and hot dogs. Zoi wants to do corn dogs. Good thing they're on different teams.

Nikki's working on her mac & cheese, and Richard is throwing together a paella for Padma, Tom, Ted Allen, and Beard Bayless, caring not about the residents of the neighborhood whose block party he's cooking for. Andrew throws out another Borat "success!" The fact that they're keeping this up, and that they're so bad at it, it's actually growing on me, and I'm started to enjoy it. Eric is working on corn dogs and Zoi knows she's not going to win Top Chef by making pasta salad, but alas, such is her lot today.

Colleccio in Blue. He asks Nikki what's in their "sexy drink" (which I was kind of wondering myself), and she tells him it's simple syrup with lavender and citrus, which will be carbonated on site. Colleccio asks, "What makes that sexy?" to which Nikki replies "the lavender," with a shrug that makes it seem like a question rather than an answer. Way to be bold, Nikki. Now get back to that mac & cheese. To be fair, though, Colleccio doesn't seem like he'd know sexy if it grabbed hold of his balls and led him around the room by his scrotum, so I can't really fault Nikki too much for not knowing how to handle his question better. He's a bit of a weirdo. He then completely freaks out Jennifer and Ryan, who have chosen to leave mayonnaise out of their Waldorf because it's hot outside, by telling them that it's the mayonnaise that keeps everything fresh. That, and the sexy lavender, right Tommy Boy?? They're all a little worried about their food holding up in transit. And...utensils down, hands up.

(I just realized this episode's only halfway over and I've already written a ton. Man, this is going to be long. Sorry)

Ace and Gary are really excited about this block party, and Richard's fauxhawk enjoys the cheering crowds. No one will be surprised to learn that the corn dogs are, in fact, soggy, and the mac & cheese is, in fact, gross from sitting around. Padma shows up with The Beard, Colleccio, and Ted Allen. Manuel is gung ho about this, and I really hope he does well tonight. Andrew tells some kid that his sliders are full of awesomeness, and I like to think that's true. Aside from the soggy corn dogs and the crap & cheese, everything else REALLY looks and sounds good. Even the sexy lavender drink, which puts a big creepy smile on Colleccio's face.

Spike explains his "smores on a stick" in his bad Borat accent, which Ted Allen immediately mistakes for a bad French accent, after which Andrew starts jumping up and down like a monkey on cocaine. Ace and Gary are loving this party, and they start dunking basketballs on a 7-foot goal with a bunch of 4 year olds. I mean, like a bunch of 4 year olds.

Judges Table: Padma asks for the Blue Team. Ace, Gary, Zoi and Jennifer don't like this at all. They usually call the best out first to congratulate them, and I was confused as well, because it clearly seemed like the Red Team killed that challenge. Andrew even goes so far as to drop an f-bomb, which is just so out of character for him. Nikki says nobody was the team leader and takes responsibility for her mac & cheese, which The Beard says turned into a brick. Richard admits that his paella wasn't exactly a paella. Then the judges COMPLETELY shock me by saying that the Blue Team was the winning team. Man, I am floored by this. Stephanie gets the win for this one, for some reason, but either way, it's her second win in three challenges. Not bad, Stephanie.

Red Team goes out and Stephanie does some weird dance when they leave the room. At least she's not a sore winner. This could be bad for the Zoi/Jennifer and Ace/Gary gay couples. Spike says he thought they kicked ass, which I did as well. Eric is getting killed over the corn dogs. He may be out, because he seems to be getting killed every week. Spike keeps talking about how surprised he is that they're there. Colleccio says if they all tasted Zoi's pasta salad and liked it, then they must have poor pallets. Yikes, didn't see that coming at all. Andrew then tells Colleccio that if he wants him to go home, he's going to have to drag him out with security guards, because "this is MY house." Really? Actually, I'm pretty sure this is Colleccio's house. Padma then dismisses the team somewhat angrily.

The weakest dishes are the Waldorf, the corn dogs, and the pasta salad. They all hate the pasta salad. Hey, has it been mentioned that Zoi and Jennifer know each other from San Francisco and are a couple? Because if not, it's worth mentioning while there's still time. Zoi then drops about 17 f-bombs in the back room while talking to her team. Not looking good. WOW! I am off tonight, because it's Eric, not Zoi, who is packing his knives and going. Man. MAN! I'm shocked and a little pissed that I was so wrong. I'm not going to miss him, though, because he didn't really seem to do anything all that good in the 3 episodes he was still around for.

The previews for next week look like more rough going for Zoi, which probably means it will be Ryan or somebody else that's not Zoi who gets kicked off. I'm an idiot.

The Tainted Election, The Low Dirty War, It Happened Before You Came To

(The Decemberists, Cocoon)

Hillary Clinton is KILLING me. And I'm not thrilled that Bill Clinton has turned into Karl Rove over the past 2 months either. She will seeminly go anything it takes to become president. I have no problem with a woman president, and I recognize that HRC is probably qualified to serve as president, but it's not her politics or her qualifications I am at odds with. It's just her. It's her shady, manipulative, "fight dirty to win as long as you win" attitude that absolutely sends me into a rage.

Never mind the fact that she was mixed up in a Whitewater scandal that everyone seems to have forgotten about, which culminated in a highly publicized suicide, or that she won't release her tax returns, even though Obama has released his. She is taking supreme advantage of Obama's pledge to remain above dirty politics by slinging as much mud as her chicken wing arms can sling.

Interested in a Clinton/Obama ticket? Absolutely! Anything to win over the Obama supporters and delegates and superdelegates who have already voted in his favor, especially considering the fact that she's behind in the numbers and at the polls. Forget the fact that she's in second place, or that the Obama campaign has no interest in this at all. Imagine any other scenario where it makes sense for someone in second place to offer a tie to the person in first place? Ridiculous.

Worried about being in second place? Of course not! Do you know why? Because, according to HRC and her advisors, "... remember that pledged delegates in most states are not pledged. You know there is no requirement that anybody vote for anybody. They're just like superdelegates." Well, isn't that great. Here we have someone who has been very vocal about the 2000 election having been stolen by George W. Bush, coming out and advocating for pledged delegates WHOSE VOTES HAVE ALREADY BEEN ALLOTTED to just give them to her anyway. Why exactly would they do that??

And here's the real killer, which I read this morning. She claims to have landed in Bosnia under sniper fire and having to run from the plane to the safety of their vehicles. In fact, there was no sniper fire, nor did they have to run to their vehicles! The article even has a picture of her stopping to talk to a little girl after deplaning, for crying out loud! SHE'S A LIAR! These are the two pictures the article contained earlier:

She and Chelsea certainly don't look like they're in any danger, or even have any apprehension of danger. They're walking around with their smug heads held high, smiling for the cameras.

This certainly isn't the first time she has weasled her way out of what she calls a "misstatement." Guess what, Hillary. A "misstatement" IS A LIE. She actually defended this by stating: "I say a lot of things -- millions of words a day -- so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."

What are we supposed to infer from that? At least her husband waited a few years after being elected President to unveil his best attempt at covering up a lie, with his "That depends on what your definition of is is." She's still running for the office, and she's already making excuses for her lies, and they're not even good excuses! If she is elected President, she will certainly say "millions of words a day" for at least 4 years. Are we to assume that she has no accountability for whether or not they are true? If a reporter had made such a glaringly erroneous statement, he or she probably would have lost their job over it. But to her, it's just a misstatement.

It seems like landing ANYWHERE under sniper fire might be something that you remember correctly for the rest of your life. I know I would. Maybe she's been under sniper fire upon landing in Bosnia a few times in her life, and this particular landing just got lost in all of her memories, but I find that highly unlikely.

She is destroying the Democratic Party from within. With all of her attacks on Obama, by the time she finally does lose the nomination (which, if she doesn't, I'm moving to Canada), McCain's campaign will be all the stronger for it. Which is maybe what she wants?

Don't Hang Around and Let Your Troubles Surround You, There Are Movie Shows ... Downtown

(Petula Clark, Downtown)

Check out this picture of the tornado that rocked Atlanta 2 weekends ago. The picture itself is pretty amazing (it was sent to the local CBS affiliate by someone who claims to have taken it from the balcony of his high-rise apartment), but just look at that tornado! It almost covers the entirety of downtown Atlanta! Amazing.


It's worth mentioning that the Bank of America Building (the tall building with the yellowish triangular top at the far left of the picture) is less than a mile from the center of the storm, and we live about 7 blocks (farther away) from the Bank of America Building.

I'm Still Asleep But I Can Hear the Piano When You Make Breakfast After 10

(Blue October, Breakfast After 10)

We slept a bit late this morning and then went to check out a new (new to us) brunch spot. The Social House, on Howell Mill, right off I-75. The food was outstanding. Amanda had a turkey and swiss omelet, which was enormous, with a side of grits and a freshly baked biscuit. I debated getting the chicken & waffles, but ultimately decided against it in favor of the Whole Farm Breakfast Sandwich (which I wish I could find a picture of, and forgot to take one). It was 2 fried eggs, 3 sausage patties, bacon strips and gouda cheese (gouda is betta), stacked triple-decker between "slices" of belgian waffle. Oh, man. It was good. I guess it was basically like a McGriddle at McDonalds, but way, way better.

The place was decorated with old-timey newspaper clippings, pictures, books on shelves, even an old bicycle hanging from the ceiling. All in all, a pretty enjoyable experience. They've got a few other menu items I'd like to go back and try, such as the aforementioned chicken & waffles, shrimp and grits (which also includes andouille sausage), and the pan seared ribeye steak & eggs. (The "waffle dog" pictured above is not on the menu, btw. If it was, well, let's just say I'd be able to tell you how it tasted.)

Unfortunately, and this is a major issue for someone with such a pronounced addiction as my own, the coffee absolutely sucks. I even asked for a fresh cup, after taking two sips of my first serving, thinking maybe it was a bad pot or something. No such luck. I couldn't even drink it, I just sipped my water and enjoyed my waffle sandwich. If they would change their coffee, I wouldn't have a bad thing to say about the place. They'd be a solid 9 out of 10 if the coffee wasn't so bad, however, as it stands now, I'd have to give their overall rating somewhere around a 6.5. That's an important factor for me.

Well I'm a Little Down Under But I'm Feeling OK, I Got a Little LOST Along the Way

(Bruce Springsteen, Light of Day)

So many great aspects about this episode. So many that I probably didn't notice them all, especially considering the fact that it's NCAA Tournament time, and I've been worked up into a frenzy all day. Earlier this afternoon, during the Purdue/Baylor game, I was so worked up about it that with about 10 minutes left in the game, every time the score changed, I was running it through Bill James' lead safety calculator (which is AWESOME, by the way, despite the fact that I have no idea why it is even right in the first place), just to see how it changed. I picked Baylor. Baylor lost. I was less than thrilled.

On to more pressing matters.

1. So, one of my big theories, and probably most people's theories, was shot right to hell this week, and I mean faster than Elliot Spitzer's fall from grace. During Michael's flashback, his mother tells him she thought he was dead for two months before he came back. Two months?!?! That's all?!?! I was really hoping that the time elapsing OFF the island was different from the time elapsing ON the island, but that makes me think I'm out of luck. Does anybody else have a different take on that? Any chance it was just a screwup, an oversight by the dialogue writers?? Probably not, I guess, but man. If not, and if the time is the same on the island as off the island, what an unceremonious way to let us know about it. Very disappointing.

(Actually, I just had another thought about this, because it's been bugging me. What if, by following bearing 325 exactly, Michael and Walt were able to pass through the only "portal" that keeps the passage of time between the island and the real world the same. What if the plane crash, the helicopter ride, the rocket experiment by Faraday a few weeks ago, what if all of those things did NOT pass through bearing 325, so their time is still screwed up. What if the Oceanic 6 who get off the island might not pass through it either? Is this making any sense? Basically, it could be that bearing 325 is the only way to get on and off the island without having a time jump. I'm holding onto that, because I really want this time differential thing to play a part in the story. -Updated 3/21/08, 10:55am)

2. I was excited for the return of Michael, but I was ecstatic about the return of Mr. Friendly, at least for this episode. He was a great character, and I was sad to see him get killed off after the failed ambush at the end of last season. Also, I loved the fact that he was gaying it up in his suite at the Hotel Earl. Remember when Kate didn't want to change clothes in front of him back in season 3, and he was like, "Kate, you're not exactly my type." When Michael showed up, I made a joke about having room service deliver some chocolate covered strawberries, but he already had some dude in there with him! Hilarious. (According to his wikipedia page, he only learned his character's beard was fake toward the end of season two, and he's the only Other to appear in all four seasons. Interesting.)

3. You do not want to piss off Sayid Jarrah.

4. Michael seems to be living a Groundhog Day-esque life, now that he's off the island. Nothing he does will kill him. All he needs is for Punxatawney Phil to come out and see his shadow, then things will be back to normal, right? Speaking of Punxatawney Phil, I've got to give my favorite line from Groundhog Day (and one of my favorite Bill Murray lines of all time, delivered with his perfect brand of sarcasm and smugness) right here: This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather. I don't know why, but this completely cracks me up.

5. Captain Gault beats his men to save their lives. I'm no lawyer, but that seems like a violation of their rights. Personally, I think he was just upset that Purdue beat Baylor. And speaking of the Captain, he didnt' seem too surprised when Sayid tattle-taled on Michael, did he? Of course, this being the last new episode for a month, it's gonna be awhile before we find out.

6. Who shot Carl and Rousseau? Was it a setup? Was it Maggie Simpson? Did Ben lead them right there so he could eliminate any other emotional connection Alex had besides his own? And is Alex even safe? Or is she walking right into harm's way by identifying herself as Ben's daughter?? I guess we'll find out in a month.

7. Ben is the bad guy. Widmore is the bad guy. Ben is the bad guy! Widmore is the bad guy! Ben is the bad guy! Widmore is the bad guy! Ben is the bad guy! Widmore is the bad guy! It's rabbit season! It's duck season! Rabbit season! Duck Season! Rabbit season! Rabbit Season! Duck season! Rabbit season! I say it's duck season, and I say fire! What are they doing to us?? I feel like Elmer Fudd, and I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing.