When Happily Ever After Fails, and We've Been Poisoned By These Fairy Tales

(Don Henley, The End of the Innocence)

Remember when I said that I knew who won Top Chef? Well, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I was wrong. I watched last night's finale over at Bloomfield Manor (thanks guys), and it was a pretty good one. Exciting to literally the final minute, as the three of us had absolutely no idea who the winner was going to be until revealed by the lovely and talented Padma, who, by the way, gave us this golden nugget in an LA Times interview:

People want individuality and something that's authentic and soulful. I'd like to do a show where I'm cooking a stew for friends and while it's bubbling I go, 'Hey, let's listen to this amazing boot- leg concert of Led Zeppelin from 1968.' Or I would read you poetry while the soufflé is cooking.

Despite the fact that it sounded a little forced, I vote for the Zeppelin.

The shocking part about last night's finale was the way Richard completely choked. He was probably the frontrunner from the very first episode (as well as who I thought was going to win, based on what I was told), and then last night he really just clammed up and cooked a serviceable meal, but nothing as inspired as to bring home the title. I'm still very excited to go try his restaurant here in the ATL, though, as he's one hell of a chef.

I was also pretty shocked that Lisa, who, according to the subject line of an email my old roommate Josh sent me last week, "= farts," (a sentiment I completely agree with), really seemed to cook a great meal, probably one good enough to have won the competition. Of course, she was still a bitch, but for the first time, it looked like her food was worthy. It's just amazing, though, that she even made the finals, considering that she was in the bottom three for like 4 or 5 straight weeks. Essentially, she wasn't in the finals because she was strong, she was in the finals because she wasn't as weak as the weakest person in each challenge. If she had won, there would have been an uproar. By me. I would have been in an uproar.

Stephanie was (along with Richard, who pulled a Nick Anderson last night) highly deserving of the championship this season. She was a great cook, she had a great personality and never got in anyone's face, and she dances a great little jig when she gets excited. All the ingredients of a champion, if you ask me. (Here's the footage of Stephanie being announced as the winner. The jig makes its appearance around the 2:50 mark, in case anybody is interested.)

The thing is, it did seem like her meal last night was very good, but maybe not as good as Lisa's, although they didn't let me taste the food, so I don't know for sure. But it kind of seems like they were neck and neck, and the fact that Stephanie has been a rock star all season long, and is, you know, likeable as a person, sort of pushed her over the edge. I'm not so sure that's the way it should be done, even though I'm happy with the results. I mean, it's a competition, and this was the finals. Think about it like a sporting event. The Patriots famously went 18-0 last season, before meeting the 10-6 Giants in the Super Bowl. We all know what happened. That was an upset, and they happen all the time. It wasn't like, "oh, well, maybe the Patriots' game wasn't quite as good as the Giants' game tonight, but they had a better season, so we're going to give them the title anyway." That would be INSANE.

But that's kind of what happened last night. The chefs cooked 4 courses each. The judges liked Stephanie's the best in the 1st and 3rd course, and Lisa's the best in the 2nd and 4th course. (Sorry, Richard.) They were literally heaping praise on Lisa's soup (2nd course), to the point that we all thought she was taking the title right there. Then when discussing the desserts (4th course), Gail actually said "Stephanie's dessert sucked." Lisa's 2nd and 4th courses seemed to be head and shoulders ahead of Stephanie's, whereas Stephanie's 1st and 3rd courses just seemed to be marginally better than Lisa's. On her 3rd course, the judges even told her that her leeks weren't cooked and they couldn't figure out why they were there in the first place. Then, just before they announced the winner, Colleccio said that they based their decision on "whose meal we'd like to go back and have again."

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist (my LOST posts notwithstanding), but I do think that last night might not have been entirely above board, at least in light of Colleccio's comment. I'm happy with the winner, because I think Stephanie totally deserved to win, and because Lisa sucks in a way that cannot be put into words, but I think that maybe the pedestal on which I place the integrity of Reality TV might need to be lowered just a bit, and that, my friends, is a sad fact. A sad fact, indeed.