Am I Happy, Or In Misery? Whatever It Is, That Girl Put A Spell On Me.

(Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze)

Let's recap the past three weeks of Top Chef. Three weeks ago, it was a pretty cool episode, but I didn't get to write about it because the computer was (painfully) slowly importing a CD into iTunes. Two weeks ago, the episode was boring me to tears. Last week, I didn't get to watch, and it was an AWESOME episode with two awesome challenges. So this week, since I'm sitting at the computer, it's probably going to be a snoozefest. Either way, though, I'm excited to engage in what Amanda just referred to as my "computer blogging." Evidently my wife is 75 years old. Welcome to the new millennium, sweetheart.

It would be pretty cool if Stephanie won tonight. It was clear to Collecchio, at least, last week, that she is consistently in the top 3. As far as who I'd like to see lose, well, Lisa still holds that honor, though I'm really getting sick of Jennifer saying that she's "doing it for Zoi." Give it a rest, already.

Quickfire Challenge: Padma is wearing a skirt far too tight to be surrounded by all that pastry, but let's be honest, she's not eating any of it anyway. They're making dessert for the Quickfire, and the winner gets to put a recipe in the Top Chef cookbook. Dale is making something called "Halo Halo" (which sounded like "holla holla"), so I definitely hope he wins. That's awesome. Spike wants to show his balls. Ok, yeah, a souffle shows balls, I guess. Antonia, Spike, and New Zealand end up in the bottom three. So much for showing those balls, Spike. Dale is in the top three. Holla! Lisa, much to my chagrin, is also in the top 3, along with Richard's fauxhawk, who overpowers his other contestants by threatening to stab them to death with his hair, and wins the challenge, and gets his recipe in the cookbook. He's got a restaurant here in the ATL. I have GOT to try this place.

Elimination Challenge: This is awesome. They're going to a Second City improv show, which is so cool! New Zealand comments that Richard, of course, is wearing pink. Their challenge seems to be an improv cooking challenge. Awesome. Now this is cool. Lisa says something about being a huge bitch, I think. I don't really listen when she talks anyway. Spike says "Andrew looks at me, I look at him..." Ace and Gary are back, ladies and gentlemen! New Zealand and Nikki have teamed up to make purple depressed bacon, and to help their effort, they're wearing matching sunglasses while shopping for their food. Classy. Dale and Richard are working with green perplexed tofu, and Dale says they bring "perplexing" to the table, which is perplexing in itself. Lisa and Antonia are supposed to make magenta drunk Polish sausage, but they decide to nix that and use chorizo instead. Jennifer and Stephanie are making the orange turned-on asparagus, which actually sounded like the dish I would most like to try to make out of all of tonight's dishes. There's no electrical equipment in the kitchen, though, which is going to make it difficult for Ace & Gary's yellow love vanilla, which they're trying to make into a soup. That actually sounds very disgusting. And, as if on cue, Spike tells Andrew he "knows how to work a sack." Thanks for making this easier for me, Spike.

Improv, huh? Now they have to pack up in 20 minutes and go finish at home, where they will be serving their dishes to the Second City folks. Their house kitchen is tiny, though, and everybody is on top of each other. The whole group seems to love the yellow love vanilla soup. The orange turned-on asparagus has been fashioned into a menage-a-trois of food, which makes everyone at the table laugh like 10-year olds, until they start eating it, because evidently it sucks. The green perplexed tofu seems to be hitting its mark, except Dale told everyone that they bought beef and rendered the beef fat to make it, when actually they just got some beef fat from the grocery store. I hope that doesn't hurt them at Judges' Table. The magenta drunk Polish sausage (sans Polish sausage) goes out and Lisa makes friends with everyone by doing a shot of tequila and not giving any to the guests, and then laughing about it to their face. Please, PLEASE get rid of her! The purple depressed bacon looks pretty good, and they give everyone wine with the dish, and everyone (except Lisa) knows that alcohol is the way to make friends!

Judges' Table: Dale, Spike, Andrew and Richard are called up first, and were the favorites. The soup was a huge hit. Spike says the love is in him all the time, and also in Andrew. What? Dale and Richard are the co-winners of the challenge, and were both in the top 3 of the quickfire - impressive show for them. They each win $2500 worth of Calphalon pots, which I think is like 2 pots. Jen, Stephanie, Antonia, and Lisa (Lisa!) are in the bottom tonight. Man, I've got my fingers crossed right now (which is making it hard to type). I really can't believe Stephanie is in the bottom. She really seems to be killing it week after week. Jen wanted the plate to look phallic. She must really miss Zoi. She's not going to be missing her for much longer, though, because she's packing her knives and going home. Richard seemed surprised (but then again, that's how he always looks), and now he's the only fauxhawk remaining. I can only hope Lisa sucks again next week.