Cutting Up Tomatoes, Fruits and Vegetables and Potatoes

(R. Kelly, Sex in the Kitchen)

I'm very excited about the return of Top Chef, so I'm going to do this one as it happens. Live-blogging, if you will, only, not really, since I'm going to have to go through and add pictures, links, etc., after it's over. They won't all be this long, let's hope.



Early thoughts: Nimma - ATL contestant #1. I think I read there are 3 from Atlanta this season. LOTS of San Francisco contestants. Andrew. I like him. Drops a lot of f-bombs. Richard - ATL contestant number 2. Zoi and Jennifer actually know each other in San Francisco, and are a couple. And they're both contestants? That's a little rough. And they're all excited to be having lunch in a Pizzeria Uno? Either way, I'm very excited to have Padma Lakshmi back in my life.

Quickfire right away, and we haven't even met them all yet. Signature deep-dish pizza. Manuel is a sous-chef at Dos Caminos in New York. That place rocks! Amazing ceviche and guacamole. When someone else is paying. If I were making a deep dish pizza, I'd have to work in some avocado. Is that gross? Avocado on a pizza? Sounds awesome to me. Deep dish pizza with smoked chicken, avocado, brie, and a bit of spicy honey mustard. I might have to do a little experimenting this weekend in the kitchen.

Drama in the first 12 minutes. Richard stole my boy Andrew's deep dish pan, and he dropped like 3 f-bombs while discussing it. Shades of Ilan/Marcel from Season 2? Beautiful.

Pizzas are being delivered to Rocco DiSpirito. He's hanging out shooting pool with Padma. Lucky bastard. Richard rocks some peaches and sweet tea syrup on his pizza, working in his ATL roots. A little weird, if you ask me. Rocco didn't dig Nimma's pizza, which looked like it had about 37 pounds of mushrooms on it. He loved Richard's peaches and sweet tea pizza, though, which sort of blows my mind. Andrew then dropped 19 more f-bombs. He's for sure my favorite. Nimma says she's not here to have fun, which seems about right, because listening to her sort of makes me feel like I'm listening to an NPR radio host read sections of the encyclopedia.

Elimination Challenge: head to head contests involving classic dishes, such as crab cakes and duck a l'orange. Classic? Richard picks Andrew to cook against, and he shocks me by dropping 3 f-bombs right out of the gate. Bravo is all about drama and f-bombs. Amanda thinks Andrew's going to get kicked off this episode because they're focusing on him a lot. Man, I hope not. There are f-bombs to be dropped!

These people do a reduction on every single meal. It's amazing. I need to start doing more reductions. Nikki, after shopping with her sunglasses on the whole time she was in whole foods, is endeavoring to make fresh pasta for her lasagna. Impressive. I hope it works out for her, time-wise. Andrew can't find mayonnaise, and, you guessed it. This guy basically talks just like me. Seriously, if I still had a swear-jar, I would be dead-ass broke. I'm fairly dead-ass broke now, though, so I guess it's 6 of one, half dozen of the other.

Utensils down, hands up! Anthony Bourdain walks in with Rocco, Padma, and Tom Colleccio, who's supposedly opening a place here in the ATL. Maybe I'll have to incorporate a swear-jar so I can save up enough to eat there, because you know that place ain't going to be cheap. I like the New Zealand guy, but he's getting shredded by Bourdain, who likes Stephanie's reduction. Reduction! Always do a reduction, if not, you're just screwing yourself. Andrew added some cilantro-basil pudding to his crab cake. Somewhere, Bill Cosby is thrilled. Andrew lost this round to Richard, and to everyone's surprise, he keeps it clean. His dish was good though, Colleccio liked it, so he'll probably live to see week 2. They all liked Nikki's pasta, and seem impressed that she made it herself. As was I. Nimma made a cauliflower sauce, but used far too much salt, and loses unanimously. Ironic, since her pizza was criticized for not having any salt. Lisa used some toasted challah bread, which Bravo inexplicably decided to spell as "halla" bread. HOLLA!! She wins. Awesome. Manuel, of Dos Caminos where I love the ceviche, made ceviche! Unfortunately, he lost his contest. Rocco needs more butter in Ryan's piccata, Bourdain hates the bread crumbs. Tough crowd.

Padma asks for Antonia, Nikki, Richard, and Stephanie. They're the "most favorite" in this challenge. I hope Nikki wins. Rocco tells us that I'm wrong. Stephanie wins the first week. You know why? Because she made a reduction! She was the only one this week who made a reduction, and she won. It's a simple formula, people! Ryan, Eric, Nimma, and New Zealand guy whose name I can't remember. Whew! That means Andrew is f'ing safe, baby! F-yeah! Nimma admits to bad judgment, and also to being on massive amounts of sedatives. Half the judges just fell asleep while she was talking. New Zealand's dish, Bourdain says, was silly and pretentious. Like every show on Bravo, maybe? Whatever, it's not going to keep me from watching, that's for sure. Rocco says Ryan's gnocchi wasn't the only thing that was dense. Yikes.

Hammer time. These four are getting absolutely killed by Colleccio. Nimma is a goner. She promises not to stop cooking. Unfortunately, no one heard her because they all fell asleep halfway through the sentence. Looks like it's going to be a pretty good season. Lots of f-bombs in the previews. And some cooking, I guess.